I can text with my tongue
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
