My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
