I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
