Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
When are your genitals available?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
