My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize