omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
