Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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