Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
