dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
