I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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