I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
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