Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
