I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
