Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
