Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
