the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
