I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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