Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize