Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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