Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
