How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Still dying that you shit outside
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
