got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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