I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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