he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
