is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
