I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
