i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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