Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
