No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
