In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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