at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I looked at my own cervix.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
