Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
