life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
