Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
