i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize