Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
