Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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