so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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