he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
