I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
