mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
