Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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