i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you inspire me to be a worse person
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
