I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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