Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
