chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize