she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
