just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
