I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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