DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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