ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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