youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I think I won the penis lottery.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
