He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize