When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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