Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize