threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
