what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
