Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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