dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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