somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You may now shotgun with the bride
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
