Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
