The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
