Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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