Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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