How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
