the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
