when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
