I'm gonna have a badass scar
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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