Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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