Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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