Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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