So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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